i cleaned up my "maybe" poem

Its a few posts down. I like it better now. :)

Internet dating tips for men....key word: DOMINANCE

First Date:
It is important that you keep up the dominant and funny, as you keep on dating women. In your next date you will have to move things up a level. After the first successful date, women will think that are a fun and dominant guy, but they will also trust you.
In the next date you will invite them over to your home. The reason for inviting women that you date to your home, is that you can set the stage, and have full control over everything. In your own home, you have total control over the situation.

Getting Physical:
You can get physical with women that you date, by first touching her hair, just stroke her hair a little. After stroking their hair a few times, pull back, and few minutes later you can do it again. When you have played with a women ‘s hair for a while with different time intervals and different level of intensity, and while pulling back in mean the time. You can get three responses, a negative one, meaning that the women that you date is not into you in a romantically sense(at least not during this date). The second response is no response, this means that women are enjoying it, other wise you would get a negative response. Next you can try to stroke her cheek, softly. If she is OK with this, you can repeat it after a few minutes. When having stroked her cheek a few times, you can kiss her on the cheek. After a few kisses soft kisses on the cheek. You can kiss her on the mouth, after a few successful kisses on the mouth, you can French kiss the women that you date. At this stage the women that you date should be all over you, and sparks should be flying big time. The third response is that she is physically all over you at a much earlier stage. At time you notice that the women are taking the physical initiative, you should take advantage of this by pushing it further.

General Advice on Women:
Ask yourself the question: have you ever had the hots for a particular woman, and forgot all about her the next day? Most men have. Men can literally fall in and out of love, men are like a switch, it is either on or off, and it is either 0 or 100%.

Women are like volume knobs. Women gradually fall in love with men, women gradually go from 0 to 100%. When women go on a first date, they might be up to 10%, whether the man makes it op to 100% largely depends on what buttons he presses during the date, and how well he passes the tests that she throws at him.

Final random thoughts for the day

No more self sabatoge.
No more affection while under the influence.
No more being someone's temporary solution for loneliness.
And most importantly, No more McDonalds breakfasts.

Did I mention Memorial Day weekend was a blast?

random thought

OMG, it just occured to me that I am married and have parented two children.

Thats crazy!

UPDATE: Feeling like a fuck up

I just got a mass email form the instructor for the class I dropped. She's extending the deadline for late assignments! May the Lord baby Jesus bless her in every way.

Another Poem

Maybe

Maybe it was all for nothing,
I hope not anyway.
Either way all this nothingness was for you.
I'll never know your highs and lows,
Nor of your sucesses or failures.
I trust you will one day be respectable,
A home owner with a nice business card.
Every wonderful thing your mother dreamed of.

dating is boring

Last night, I went out for the usual dinner, a movie and a drink date. Even dressed up in cocktail attire and told my date to do the same in hopes that it would make the night 10 times more fun. It didnt. I was bored and wanted to go home the second I saw him. I dont know why though. He's super nice and interesting. I think its because he "talks all smart and shit." My nerves got the best of me too, I was stamering over my words and mixing them up all night. I wonder how I'm going to act when I actually like someone. Meh, whatever. The night ended in the usual akward goodbye: him stalling trying to make the date last a little longer and me hoping he doesnt try to kiss me.

Telemarketing call

Good afternoon,
My name is Jon. I'm calling on behalf of Sprint Wireless.
May I please speak to the King of Burgers?
Oh, he's not in.
Then can I please speak to the lady of the house?
Is the Queen in?

another true story involving my cousin

I was in my room getting ready to go to dinner with my family when I overheard my aunt and her son arguing in the back yard. There was a lot of shouting mostly on my aunt's end, but for some reason my cousin felt he was in the right and kept justifying his actions. That was until my aunt said, "You should never call those types of people dummy. Some people can't help the way they are. Just like you can't help not being able to catch fly balls. How would you like it if kids made fun of you for that?" My cousin began to cry. He finally realized what he said, either that or he finally realized his mom just told him he sucked at baseball. She ended her talking to with, "You deserve what he did to you." My cousin stomped past me only to shoot me the dirtiest little teary eyed lookhe could give. I slowly walked up to my aunt, trying not to let Sammy see me. I had to know what happened to Sammy and what it was exactly that he deserved.Apparently, my cousin called a mentally challenged kid a dummy. After doing so, the kid gained some kind of superhuman rage strength, grabbed my cousin by the neck, pushed him against the wall and punched him in the stomach three times. All I could say was, "Shit, ya he deserved it."

true story

A kid got hit really hard on his pelvic bone,
All the moms clapped,
My cousin ran for him.

Dave wrote me a song.

"ooohh joooonn
mi dulce jooon
diseñame un vestido color pastel
que sea tan suavecito
como tu piel
y que sea comestible con sabor a miel!"

Boys are always messing with me.

Feeling like a fuck up

Oh man, I didn't finish any of the four essays that were due today for art history class. I have an automatic fail and have to take the course again. I began the quarter with five classes and ended up with only two. Its terrible. I dont understand why I lack motivation and drive, yet want results. I'm 23 and going to be in community college forever. No more traveling until I've gotten into college. Well, no more traveling for longer than two weeks until I get into college. This Euro-trip is going to be my last for a while. How could I be such a failure?! Next quarter Im going to only work part time and at least take 6 classes to make up for the classes I dropped this quarter. I may even start seeing a shrink when I start school to help balance out my stupid anxiety and obsessing about school. I've been in and out of community college for 5 years. It makes no sense! If I get my shit together when I come back from my trip and actually work hard I can graduate with somesort of degree when Im 27.

New plan: BA by the time I am 28
Master's by the time I am 40

Say "No" to drugs... while drinking.

FRIDAY: Art show with Cecilia and Gilbert. The place was packed. Not sure just how many people were inside too look at art, most were just standing around hoping to be seen. After leaving the show, we stopped by Pinks Hot Dogs and stood in line for 20 minutes only to decide we didn't want to wait another 30 minutes for a hot dog. Gilbert then remembered he once saw a "Pink's Hot Dog" sign at the black jack casino by our house. So off we went! Got there and of course, no Pink's Hot Dogs, just a chinese restaruant four rooms filled with sad pathetic gamblers. The only solution was pancakes, but Ihop's doors closed minutes before we got there. Our plan "C" was In and Out Burger.

Saturday: Woke up at six, went to the gym then hit up the Santa Monica Vintage expo. I didn't find anything, only a t-shirt. After that went to both LACMA and the Getty for some last minute art history extra credit essays. I had forgotten how big the Getty was and seeing as I was in a rush to write my paper on asked the front desk for directions. A boy with big curly hair was restocking maps and walked me to another desk where I made reservations to visit the Getty Villa. Really nice boy, kinda cute too. After I got my ticket, I walked away. Ten minutes later realized I didn't get to say thank you. On my way out I asked the people at the front desk if they could say thank you for me, because I couldnt find the guy who helped me.

Went home. Took a nap. Then went to the garage show alone and somehow met some girl who had a lot of weed and felt the need to share it with me. It was free and I like free things so I did it in addition to the other two drinks I had that night. By midnight I was fucked up. Not fucked up enough to fall down, trip, scream or hit anyone, but I was feeling pretty fun. Before I got fucked up out of my mind I saw the guy from the Getty with the curly hair! He was way nice and we played tic-tac-toe and he gave me his email/number. Here's the part that sucks, I got cut off by the bar. I only had two drinks!! What was more embarassing was the guy came up to me outside and interrupted my conversation (not sure which boy I was talking to) and told me I couldnt drink any more and that I had had enough. I hate pot and drinking. It was the most funnnest feeling ever. I was having a party in my mind and then some dude accuses me of trying to sneak drinks outside and cut me off from the bar making me look like an alki. It was a bummer. Towards the end of the night the kid with the curly hair said, "Dont forget to call me!" My response was only, "Are you sure?" It was honest, because I was honestly fucked up. The other was a guy who i write to on myspace every once a week. He just broke up with his manfriend. I dont think its going to go anywhere, only because I was acting so strange. No more meeting people while drunk and high.

Wavy Wednseday

I went to a bar the other night. Met some new strangers, got a free drink and hung out with the resident dj. It just so happened to be his birthday. Chatting with him was my least favorite part of the evening. He couldn’t stop rambling about topics I lacked interest in like where his suit came from and how well his business was doing. The annoying part was that he saying all those things really close to me. So close, I could feel his junk rubbing up against my leg while I sat at the bar. Backing away wasn't an option. If I did, I would have been out of a chair and the possibility of another free drink. Plus, he seemed to think he was getting somewhere. Confusing my tolerance for enjoyment, he kept talking and bumping into me as if the place was packed. After a few sips of my vodka gimlet I must have unknowingly been drunk. I didn’t feel drunk, but I just couldn’t keep my drink from spilling on to my pants. Between the boring conversations, bulge rubbing and drink spilling, I found myself easily distracted by a young man sitting at the end of the bar. Not that I was the least bit interested in him, but he had this bald spot I just couldn’t keep my eyes off. It was located on the upper left side of his head highlighted by a perfectly combed thinned out wave. I was mesmerized. The night dragged on and last call finally rolled around. I said my goodbyes and was stopped by the young man with the wavy spot as I was walking out. Poor guy must had thought we a moment. I didn't mean to make eye to spot contact.

My new office policy

He who drinkest the coffee should makest the coffee.

A Poem

DOGS

You and I are like two small dogs,
Your small dog self being slightly larger than my small dog self.
We'd spend our small dog lives chasing and circling,
Chasing others only to end up circling eachother,
Your akward sniffings will be missed.